FERGEN FAMILY ADOPTION SERIES- 31

In the morning we got a call saying Jerik's birth mom wasn't going to change her mind so we had the option of staying with Jerik until Friday when she got back to town, or we could bring him to the agency to stay with a foster family. We were sick, exhausted, & crushed. We prayed all night hoping this wouldn't be our reality, but it was. We didn't understand God's plan but knew we were called to trust. It's easier said than done when in the middle of heartache.

Danny & I took time to talk about what would be best. We knew Jerik was only 2-months-old & wouldn't remember a thing. We knew staying one day longer would only make it harder on us & we had babies back home that needed us. We needed them. We made the HARD decision to meet at the agency a few hours later to say our goodbyes. I honestly didn't know if I could handle another night like the last. As much as I wanted to stay, hoping that MAYBE, just MAYBE, she'd change her mind, I knew the chances were slim. I knew I needed to face reality & be home with family. We called the agency & told them what we decided & they agreed that would be the best for us. They understood & supported our decision.

Within one hour we packed up all our stuff, took this last picture of our son & walked out of the bedroom that held memories filled with both joy & now heartache. As much as I wanted to be home, I didn't want to leave without him. Our host parents were downstairs waiting for us & before we said our goodbyes they held our hands & prayed over us. I'll never erase that moment from my mind. They were the body of Christ surrounding us in prayer. We stood in the kitchen forming a circle around Jerik sleeping in his carseat & once more cried out to God that He'd be glorified in this situation. That He'd give us peace & strength to face the next few hours, days & months to come. We prayed that above all God would protect & hold Jerik in the palm of His hand as he grew up. We didn't know what his life would look like & as his parents, that was the hardest thing. We had NO control over his life, but God did. We needed to entrust him 100% to our faithful God. We then said our hard goodbyes & drove to the agency.