Before we boarded the plane we learned we did not have seats by each other. Honestly, I so badly wanted to lay my head on my husband’s shoulder the whole flight home and not talk to anyone. Now, I had to sit by a stranger and hope that they wouldn't talk to me. Thankfully, I was seated by a business man who really showed no interest in even acknowledging me. I was okay with that. As our flight took off tears began to stream down my face. Maybe people around me noticed or heard, but I didn't care. I was leaving the place that brought me such joy and heartache and I didn't know how to react. I was leaving my son behind not knowing the life he would have and there was NOTHING I could do about it.
The flight home seemed to take forever but we made it back to South Dakota. I couldn't get off the plane fast enough. We rounded the baggage area and I saw my parents. I lost it. All I can remember is my dad wrapping his arms around me in silence. I felt like a young girl that wanted her daddy to take away the pain, but I knew he couldn't. He did all he could do for us, held us, cried with us, and prayed over us. My dad and Danny grabbed our bags as I climbed into the back of the vehicle with my mom. She held me as I laid in her arms sobbing. My 12-year-old sister sitting next to me rubbing my back as her way of telling me it was going to be okay. We cried together in silence.
We arrived home ten minutes later, right where we needed to be, home and with our babies. They needed us and we needed them more than they even knew.
We went to bed that night as a family all snuggled up in one bed. That is what we needed, to remind ourselves of the blessings we had at home. I knew I needed to be the mommy they deserved and we were going to get through this together. I mean, look at my daughters sweet smile! That is how she greeted me. I was so grateful they were not experiencing our pain but brought us joy. How could I not be grateful to be her mom?
I was going to continue to smile through the pain and take a step forward every day.
Hi, I'm Kansas! I wish we could be doing this face to face over coffee. Maybe someday, till then this will have to do!