Two days after getting home, we decided to get away for a day with the kids and try to have fun. It would take our mind off of things for a few hours and we’d be able to see them smile. We went a children's museum and it was just what we needed. We hadn't talked much since flying home and the hour drive MADE us talk. It gave us the opportunity to talk to our kids about what had happened and what the future of our family looked like. It helped us sort through our feelings and be hopeful. We wanted to be positive, so our kids would be.
We actually had fun as a family. I remember catching myself laughing a few times and wondering if that was "okay." Shouldn't I still be heartbroken? Shouldn't I just be silent? Was it okay to smile even though inside I was still hurting?
I realized this was the best medicine for me. God was going to get us through this pain and JOY would come again. His plan was for our family to adopt and that plan had not changed. He was at work even though His plans were not yet clear to us.
Later that afternoon we got a call from our social worker checking to see how we were doing. Honestly, we were doing okay. Okay as we could be after the week we had went through. We talked for a bit and towards the end of our conversation she said "I know this may seem like a strange question to ask and maybe you are not ready to answer, but when do you think you will be ready to show your profile book again? When would you like us to start showing your family? Do you need more time to heal, or would you like us to start showing your book right away?" It was not what I was expecting from our call, but WITHOUT A DOUBT I knew that we were ready. I didn't even have to talk to Danny about this. Were we still hurting? Yes. But were we ready to be parents to a child that needed us, just as much as we needed them? Our heartbreak did not change the reality that we were ready. I replied "YES!" and shared with her why were felt this way. We knew it may be a long road ahead, but that was the night we turned our sorrow into HOPE and prayed fervently that God would bring JOY into our lives once again in HIS timing.
Hi, I'm Kansas! I wish we could be doing this face to face over coffee. Maybe someday, till then this will have to do!