We left on Monday, June 23, BEYOND excited to meet our son. We made a pitstop to sleep in Wichita, KS, before arriving in Dallas, TX, at noon on Tuesday. Once we arrived, we went to our extended family's home, where they welcomed us for as long as we needed. Minutes after arriving, we got a call from our agency saying we could go straight to the foster home and meet our son.
INSTANT HEART STOP. I remember looking at Danny saying, in less than an hour we’re going to be meeting our SON! It was surreal.
Thoughts filled my mind. Is this real? I feel like I could throw up. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? What if he doesn't like me? Do I hold him? Will that scare him? What if he cries? Are we allowed to take pictures? What questions can we ask? What do we wear? What do we bring? IS THIS REAL?! I’ll never forget pulling up to the house, our hearts was racing with excitement. I was literally shaking (how can such a small child, who happens to be my son, make me SO nervous?) I remember taking Danny's hand as we walked slowly to the door. Everything else up to this point was done in a rush, but I remember wanting to just take in that moment. We knocked on the door and Peggy, the foster mom, came to the door empty handed. SUCH SUSPENSE! Where was he?
She introduced herself (all of which was a blur) and walked us to the living room. There he was. Standing alongside a coffee table playing with a toy dino. I'm not even sure what I said or did at this point. All I can remember is walking towards him and sitting down on the couch right beside him. Being that he was 9 months old I didn't want to scare him. Even though I was his mother, to him I was a stranger.
What he did next will be forever be engrained in my mind. He turned, put his hand on my knee, and reached up to be held. My son wanted me to hold him with no hesitation. There was NO greater feeling than that. I picked him up and time stood still. I remember his smell, the way he looked at me, and how he sat so calmly on my lap. I knew in that moment God was at work calming both of us, reassuring me that I did not need to worry. I was his mom, FOREVER.
With Full Hands and an Open Heart- Kansas Fergen
Hi, I'm Kansas! I wish we could be doing this face to face over coffee. Maybe someday, till then this will have to do!